Facebook Follies
I think the primary purpose of Facebook is to prove how stupid your friends and relatives really are.
I only joined FB to keep up with what my kids are doing. They never write, and when I ask what they're doing, etc. the answer I get is "Oh, you're not on Facebook, are you?"
So I joined Facebook. Now I know everything that they're thinking and doing. That's a Good Thing.
Then I started seeing notifications that this or that long-lost relative is a member. Wow, this is cool, I can keep up with them too! So I started "friending" all of these relatives with whom I haven't been in contact for decades.
They're IDIOTS! Holy cow, the stuff some of them are posting and forwarding, etc. is ... just plain stupid.
It took me a while to figure out how to block all of the stupid requests for some stupid item in some stupid game ("My pig in Farmville is in heat and needs a fuck, would someone please help me?"; "My tiger in my Zoo is hungry and needs some more bratty little children to eat, would someone please help me?" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseum) but I got it done. This is an ongoing process as FB comes up with more stupid games.
But there is other stuff you can't block, such as the daily "Let's see how many true Christians [i.e., truly stupid Christians] there are here! Click "Like" if you love Jesus!" Oh yeah, that makes you a True Christian. Doesn't matter whose wife/husband/child/dog/goat/chicken you fucked last night, just click "Like" and you're Saved, brother! Hallelujah!
Two days ago, some friend of a friend posted a detailed description of her husband dropping a turd in the toilet -- and I mean a FULL description complete with sounds and smell. Why, it was almost as if you were there.
Fucking breathtaking.
At least I'm able to keep up with what my kids are doing. One of them is in MBA school, struggling with the bullshit they're feeding him. Another is in Afghanistan dealing with the particular kind of stupidity that only military orificers seem capable of. Another is racing bicycles and, it seems, fucking every cute young chick in the city of Portland. It's nice to keep up with all that. Especially the pictures of the cute young chicks, not all of whom are clothed.
But yesterday one of my cousins posted this:
No, they were NOT all Marines -- most were Army and one wasn't even an American. One doesn't even exist.
One of them died from being stabbed by a fellow Marine. Who knows, maybe they were arguing over Lindsay Lohan. In any event, the man certainly did not die for his country.
They didn't die last week, they died last July, and all (except the one that doesn't exist) got covered in the news. The BBC did an especially nice write-up of the Brit that's in the list.
Five minutes of Googling would have revealed all of this to my cousin.
So now, I'm faced with the knowledge that there is mental retardation in my personal gene pool, and that an awfully lot of my friends' friends are also hopelessly retarded. Is this something that I really needed to know?
At least I'm not on Facebook under my real name. What a wasteland.
I only joined FB to keep up with what my kids are doing. They never write, and when I ask what they're doing, etc. the answer I get is "Oh, you're not on Facebook, are you?"
So I joined Facebook. Now I know everything that they're thinking and doing. That's a Good Thing.
Then I started seeing notifications that this or that long-lost relative is a member. Wow, this is cool, I can keep up with them too! So I started "friending" all of these relatives with whom I haven't been in contact for decades.
They're IDIOTS! Holy cow, the stuff some of them are posting and forwarding, etc. is ... just plain stupid.
It took me a while to figure out how to block all of the stupid requests for some stupid item in some stupid game ("My pig in Farmville is in heat and needs a fuck, would someone please help me?"; "My tiger in my Zoo is hungry and needs some more bratty little children to eat, would someone please help me?" and on and on ad infinitum, ad nauseum) but I got it done. This is an ongoing process as FB comes up with more stupid games.
But there is other stuff you can't block, such as the daily "Let's see how many true Christians [i.e., truly stupid Christians] there are here! Click "Like" if you love Jesus!" Oh yeah, that makes you a True Christian. Doesn't matter whose wife/husband/child/dog/goat/chicken you fucked last night, just click "Like" and you're Saved, brother! Hallelujah!
Two days ago, some friend of a friend posted a detailed description of her husband dropping a turd in the toilet -- and I mean a FULL description complete with sounds and smell. Why, it was almost as if you were there.
Fucking breathtaking.
At least I'm able to keep up with what my kids are doing. One of them is in MBA school, struggling with the bullshit they're feeding him. Another is in Afghanistan dealing with the particular kind of stupidity that only military orificers seem capable of. Another is racing bicycles and, it seems, fucking every cute young chick in the city of Portland. It's nice to keep up with all that. Especially the pictures of the cute young chicks, not all of whom are clothed.
But yesterday one of my cousins posted this:
Lindsay Lohan 24, is all over the news beacuse [sic] she's a celebrity drug addict. While Justin Allen,23, Brett Linley,29, Matthew Weikert,29, Justus Bartett,27, Dave Santos,21, Chase Stanely,21, Jesse Reed,26, Matthew Johnson,21, Zachary Fisher,24, Brandon King,23, Christopher Goeke,23, ......and Sheldon Tate,27 are all Marines that gave their lives this week no media mention. Honor THEM by reposting!
No, they were NOT all Marines -- most were Army and one wasn't even an American. One doesn't even exist.
One of them died from being stabbed by a fellow Marine. Who knows, maybe they were arguing over Lindsay Lohan. In any event, the man certainly did not die for his country.
They didn't die last week, they died last July, and all (except the one that doesn't exist) got covered in the news. The BBC did an especially nice write-up of the Brit that's in the list.
Five minutes of Googling would have revealed all of this to my cousin.
So now, I'm faced with the knowledge that there is mental retardation in my personal gene pool, and that an awfully lot of my friends' friends are also hopelessly retarded. Is this something that I really needed to know?
At least I'm not on Facebook under my real name. What a wasteland.
posted by Ken | 7:33 AM
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